Happy Birthday iPod!

Yayyy! It's iPod's 5th birthday! That's like 21 in computer-years, man. We remember back in the day when the cheapest way you could get your iPod on was $399. Listening to New Order and The KGB while playing Breakout, word. The hair's getting soooo thin.

Now the most expensive iPod is $349 and they're hotter than a Tennessee steer in a heatwave at the Playboy Mansion. Sorry, Dan Rather, we tried.

And sorry about our un-postingness. We've gotten held up in our actual day jobs and come home ready to plop down with the remote and a bottle of Febreeze, with no energy left to post. Y'all are welcome to leave silly stuff in the comments for other readers to enjoy. Do our work for us. We'll send you an e-fruitbasket. Thanks!

We did it for the street cred

No, we're not dead. Sorry. We were out of town for the weekend and forgot to leave the boys at the pool...oops, sorry wrong expression. Anyway, we'll be back under the saddle soon. Earnings are coming on Wednesday. Hopefully Apple shipped at least 6.3 million MacBooks. Booya! In the meantime we're so totally pumped about the whole Studio 60/Gilmore Girls crossover thing we can't think straight. If we can crank out a post by then, chalk it up to the diphenhydramine.

P.S. We want a red shuffle!

Google Buys YouTube, Apple Next

Unless you've been living under a, uh, Classic II, you've probably heard that Google is buying YouTube. The hosting company for this site coming together with our favorite source for pirated Daily Show reruns. So hopelessly romantic!

Anywho, this announcement coincided with the only-slightly-smaller launch of the Official Google Mac Blog. OGMB, which sounds like the love child of a stodgy government agency and those guys who did the song from Pretty In Pink, is the second Mac-related blog to claim status of officiality, the first being our friends TUAW, The Unofficial Apple Weblog. Say it like a kung fu dude: tu-awwwww! Yeah, that's what they need, some ninjas on TUAW to make those Pimp My Mac Mini segments more badass. Yeah and then Chuck Norris will smash some PCs just by lookin' at 'em! WTF!!!

Sorry, we were watching Studio 60 tonight and got mad hyper. Anywayyy, OGMB launches with a totally-not-boring corporate post about how Google *hearts* Dashboard, and how Google Calendar actually works with Safari, and--whoa slice--Google Earth has a Mac version! Step aside, Omni Group, we have ourselves a real fanboy! Still, they're going for legitimacy with links to Gruber, MacCentral, and, well I'll be crappin', it's TUAW!

It got us thinking, hey now, Google might actually be getting serious about gittin' it on with Apple after all. See, Google's worth about 130 billion in stock, and what's Apple? A limp, flaccid 63 billion. And Google's got a piggy bank with lots of non-imaginary money too. Thinking what we're thinking? Yup, Google's buying Apple next! Woop woop! I mean, Eric Schmidt has already gone all Yosemite Sam in Apple's boardroom, having kicked Fred Anderson out after dissing his chick car. Plus, Google's already integrated into the Safari search bar, it's not like it would be hard to integrate it into everything else. Then Google will port Mac OS X to Ajax and O'Grady will finally have Mac OS X "Lite" see the light of day.

Now they just have to buy Microsoft and we'll be set.

From Around The Mac Nerd Web...

Since this past Thursday, we've been trolling the Mac nerd web trying to find interesting stories to get silly over and make fun of. There hasn't been much to pique our interest, at least not on a, like, MacBook Pros catching newborn kittens on fire kind of scale, but we found these three stories which have just enough of a taste of tha sillz.

T-Mobile *Hearts* Apple
According to a report from ABC News, (thanks MacRumors,) T-Mobile CEO Robert Dotson (doesn't he write for Parade?) had nothing but praise for Apple at a recent press conference. Dotson was eager to talk about their "aligned" visions and his appreciation for Leopard. This clearly means T-Mobile got shut out of the iPhone program and wants to brown-nose its way in on the action. Or, it means Dotson has a huge crush on Steve and will stop at nothing, not even seducing Schiller, to get to his man.

The Knack Sues Apple, Sharona Pissed
According to a report from eWeek, (thanks TUAW,) The Knack, that band from the late '70s that did the song that Janet Reno liked to dance to, is suing everyone and their mom, including Apple, for distributing the song "It's Tricky" by Run-DMC. The song samples The Knack's "My Sharona" and despite Campbell v. Acuff-Rose flying in the face of their suit's rationale, The Knack are intent on making pirate booty purveyors Apple, Amazon, Yahoo, Real, Napster, and of course Run-DMC pay for the sampling of their song 20 years ago. Time to buy some Knack stock!

5th Birthday approaching, iPod confronts its mortality
iPod's big 5th birthday is coming up on the 23rd, and already it's running its fingers through its thinning earbuds. Why it seems like just yesterday we were putting up posters in our dorm with a picture of a goofy woman from the '50s with an Apple logo on her apron and the caption "iMom: 1000 favors in your pocket." Aww shucks, now we're feeling old. Anyway, the article is here, (thanks Slashdot.)

So they finished probing Apple...

In a press release today, Apple announced the completion of the independent investigation into its stock option backdating scandal. Key findings from the investigation include:
  • Former CFO Fred Anderson has stepped down from Apple's board of directors. It is unclear whether this was because of the investigation or due to Eric Schmidt's incessant teasing Anderson about his 'chick car' Lexus SC430.

  • There was misconduct by any current members of the Apple management team except for some officers and managers.

  • The only evidence of grant date irregularities were 1505 isolated stock option grants issued between 1999 and 2006.

  • Steve Jobs knew about the grant dates, but only understood the ramifications of what was going on after he got them mixed up with his kids' birthdays and his sobbing daughter tipped off the SEC.

  • The investigation raised concerns regarding the actions of two former officers in connection with the probe: Jon Rubenstein reportedly took Avie Tevanian on a Disneyland weekend paid by illicit stock option proceeds.
Steve Jobs made the following statement today regarding the results of the probe:
"I apologize to Apple's shareholders and employees for these problems, which happened on my watch. They are completely out of character for Apple, except for Bertrand, who can't help it if his mom's a slut" said Steve Jobs, Apple's CEO. "We will now work to resolve the remaining issues as quickly as possible and to put the proper remedial measures in place, like keeping Bertrand's slut mom away from the boardroom, to ensure that this never happens again."

It's your BFF, the town drunk!

Ok, so Gilmore Girls AND the Veronica Mars premiere were on tonight, so we're a little behind. (Curiously, both shows contained direct references to Battlestar Galactica. Whaaa?) Then again, I think the big highlight of the news today was the announcement that there will be a Stevenote at MWSF '07. Yeah. Slow day. We could go on about DVDJon cashing in on his FairPlay sp1o!tz. Yawn. Or something about a security hole in OS X. Blegh. Or we could add to the Zune-sucks-no-it-doesn't-yes-it-does-but-what-about-wi-fi-it's-stupid-your-mom-was-stupid spam that filled up MacSurfer today.

Hrmm. At this rate, tomorrow we'll have to make something up.

No Geniuses Behind "Genius Bar"

Television pilot season is a time marked by inspiration, excitement, executive wrangling, endless advertising, and children of the corn, all of which were apparently lost on the creators of "Genius Bar."

Genius Bar, which we'll heretofore refer to as Genius Barf, is an upcoming pilot that CBS, ABC, and NBC, in their infinite wisdom, have all been fighting over. It was The Tiffany Network that ultimately won out. Poor naive bastards.

Okay, our bitter and sarcastic mood deserves some explanation. According to an article in the Hollywood Reporter (thanks MacObserver,) the series was created by some of the co-producers of That '70s Show and some marketing guru dude. Apparently:
...the project explores the interactions between people who work at a place similar to the Genius Bar at the Apple stores and the cool, hip and beautiful employees at a nearby Abercrombie & Fitch-type store.
Barfing yet? Good. Let's be clear. This show is a horrible horrible horrible thing. Ugly Mac nerds being shamed in the hipster department before counter-shaming the A&Fs by, uh, fixing their computers as condescendingly as possible? This makes us sad for even the most embarrassing of our own kind. No thanks, CBS, we'll be watching Grey's Anatomy. Seriously.

So what if we'll be checking for it on YouTube every day.

A Snoozer Weekend

We slept for like...60 hours man. New episode coming tonight...